Moving forward with your life is so hard when your marriage is ending. It can be really hard to stay focused and get anything done at home, work, or school. There are some little things that you can do to regain some of that focus and stay productive when you just want to curl up and hide.
1. Practice Making Decisions
At this point, you’re probably sick of making decisions and might be feeling somewhat paralyzed when faced with the need to make any choice, especially if your marriage is ending. Allow yourself to be in decision-making training. Force yourself to make decisions about little things, like which restaurant to go to, which socks to wear, or which movie to see this weekend. When it’s easy to make little decisions, it’ll be less daunting to make the bigger ones. And, it forces you to be in the moment.
2. Avoid Wallowing
When you feel down or overwhelmed because your marriage is ending, you can easily fuel that fire until it becomes a blazing inferno. Give yourself two minutes to let those sad/frustrating/scary thoughts run through your mind. Yes, do set a timer. But, when the two minutes are up, mentally box them up and turn your thoughts elsewhere. Make a mental list of things you could think about instead when these moments arrive. Keep those topics light and pleasant. You could be turning your mind to places you’d like to visit or preferred dog breeds, architecture that pleases you or your favorite hobby.
It sounds simple, but it’s definitely not overrated. Force yourself to go to your comfortable, safe place, be it out for a walk, in an empty conference room, or anywhere you can be alone for a few minutes. Wherever it is that you go, don’t focus on the fact that your marriage is ending. Rather, focus on what you see there: the carpet pattern, the sky, the trees, the sidewalk, or anything else that is around. If you can, take a walk and let your senses take in your surroundings. It’s refreshing and it’ll ground you, too.
4. Acknowledge Your Feelings
There’s no point in bottling up your negative feelings and let them keep brewing inside of you. You feel scared because your marriage is ending. Or alone. Or sad. Or angry. Or maybe all of these things. It’s normal to feel this way when you have a major life change like the end of a marriage. Recognize your feelings, and talk about how you feel with a trusted person when you can.
5. Make a List
To-do lists are not overrated. Start the day by making a list of things that absolutely have to get done on this day, and break down the list into morning and afternoon sections, or even by hour if that feels right, so you have smaller, manageable tasks. If you accomplish something that wasn’t on the list, add it and cross it off. You deserve the recognition.
6. Turn off the Internet Connection
When you put your gadgets into airplane mode, you can’t be interrupted by phone calls, texts, or email notifications. Set a timer, if you like, and give yourself an hour without access. You can still work in offline mode in Outlook and Google Drive that will update when you reconnect. Take advantage of uninterrupted, dedicated time for true focus on important things, rather than sitting around thinking about the notion that your marriage is ending.
7. Delegate to Avoid Getting Overwhelmed
Well, that sounds easier said than done. It doesn’t take much to get overwhelmed when you have to manage the basic tasks of daily life along with legal decisions, social decisions, emotional upheaval and work on top of it all. What can you delegate? Be realistic about it. There is always something you can take off your plate, whether it is hiring someone to clean your house, having a friend pick up your kids, or saying no to that next PTO activity. Rely on specialists, like us to help you navigate the legal aspects so you can focus on you.
8. Look for the Humor in Small Things
They say that laughter is contagious, so make yourself see the humor in the small things around you. Smile more, even when it’s hard. Appreciate the kind gestures of others and meet them with a grin. It’ll lighten your mood a little, and make someone else’s day at the same time.
9. Itemize Your Blessings
Things may feel bleak right now, but you still have a lot to be thankful for. That may be your sweet neighbor, your pet, your child’s heartwarming drawings on your fridge (which is full at the moment), your health, your siblings, whatever. Don’t just think about these things in passing. Jot them down. Post them in different places you spend time every day (like your cubicle, your workbench, or even your car’s dashboard). These little reminders of all that is good in your world – no matter how big or how little those things are – will take your mind off of the things that are eating away at you, even if briefly.
10. Tell Yourself the Story … In the Positive
According to one article, what we “subconsciously tell ourselves about our circumstances, about others, and about life in general drastically changes how we feel.” What does this mean? If we speak positively about our existence, we’ll feel more positive. If we speak negatively, then things will seem more negative. So, shift the language you use with yourself and give it a positive angle. You can always hope for things to go perfectly, but expecting them to is going to lead to disappointment. Focus on the positive angle and the road to productivity will start to form in front of you.
Stay Productive with Findling Law on Your Side
As you work on staying productive, let your Findling Law lawyer take care of the legal aspects related to the fact that your marriage is ending. As always, if you have any questions about the process, the paperwork, or what’s going to happen next, we encourage you to let us know. Knowing that your divorce is in good hands will help you move forward as you find your new happiness.
About Findling Law
I have been exclusively practicing divorce and family law in Michigan for over two decades. The attorneys at Findling Law all share the core value of practicing law to help people navigate change in their lives, without compromising principles. We specialize in high socio-economic, high-profile and high-conflict cases, while also working with clients of all backgrounds. We recognize that the most important aspect of the practice of law is the application of the law to your specific circumstances.
That is why we provide more free information on divorce and family law than any other Michigan law firm. We want to help you manage your situation. Allow our exceptional legal team to help you navigate the change in your life, without compromising principles.
We want to help you manage your situation. Let our exceptional legal team help you . . .
Local: +1 (248) 399-3300 – toll free: (877-YOUR FIRM)
After hours emergency?: +1 (707) 968-7347
Or email me at: Daniel@Findlinglaw.com
By: Daniel Findling
8 tips for surviving the workday when you’re going through a divorce