I love you but I cannot live with you: Divorce without hate

Generally speaking, family law is notorious for high-conflict with emotions running high. Some cases involve thousands of dollars being spent purely out of spite or “principle.” When children are involved, parents sometimes put them in the middle of the dispute and exercise them as leverage. In short, some cases are incredibly difficult – both emotionally and financially. However, not every case has to be a battle. This article focuses on situations where acrimony is absent but the loss of the marriage is felt. It is possible to divorce without hate.

What if the person you love the most is the one you need to live without?


Divorce without hate – The reasons

Not surprisingly, there are a vast array of reasons for marriages that end. While some marriages dissolve due to infidelity, secret lives, mental illness, addiction, or abuse, other factors are behind a variety of divorces.   “I married too young.” “I married too late in life.” “He never liked my family.” “She and I grew apart.” “We outgrew each other.” “We’re best friends but should not be married to each other.” Some marriages are salvaged and others are not. In other instances, these reasons may be the catalyst for the dissolution of marriage.

Legally speaking, the reason for the divorce is generally not very important under Michigan’s no-fault law. However, fault can play a role in a Michigan divorce. Conversely, for the individual going through the divorce process, the reason can be very important. Notwithstanding, the emotional components that accompany divorce can be varied, and even confusing. So how can you divorce without hate?

Divorce without hate – The realization

For some, divorce is the answer even though the parties deeply care for each other and respect the other. To be better people, sometimes they need to live separate lives. In other scenarios, one party may seek divorce, while the other party is steadfastly against it. The realization that a divorce will be granted under Michigan law by the request of one party, irrespective of the reason for it, can be difficult to understand. Furthermore, if love and respect still exist in the relationship, divorce can be even more emotionally taxing.

At some point, knowing the divorce will take place regardless of one party’s feelings can leave one feeling helpless and alone.

Divorce without hate – The path to move forward

If any of the above sounds familiar to you, know that you are not alone. Allow yourself time to process and even mourn your marriage. Understand that you have the right to healing and to experience a range of emotions. Loving yourself and the other party can still be accomplished by communicating and working through the legal process together. A friendship and mutual respect can be maintained after the emotion and sadness begins to dissipate.

The key to obtaining a divorce without hate is for the parties to manage his/her respective emotions and focus on moving forward amicably and you don’t have to compromise your principles. At Findling Law, we can work with you and your spouse to keep conflict low, maintain communication, and help you navigate the dissolution of your marriage while minimizing drama. However, if both parties cannot commit to a civil process, we can help you take the high road without compromise for the outcome of your case. A divorce without hate can sometimes be difficult, but it can be accomplished with compassion and without compromising principles or justice.

Kristina Bilowus

About Findling Law

Findling Law, PLC – 414 W. 5th St. Royal Oak, Michigan 48067

Phone:+1 (248) 399-3300
After hours emergency?+1 (707) 968-7347



I have been exclusively practicing divorce and family law in Michigan for over two decades.  The attorneys at Findling Law all share the core value of practicing law to help people navigate change in their lives, without compromising principles.  We specialize in high socio-economic, high-profile and high-conflict cases, while also working with clients of all backgrounds. We recognize that the most important aspect of the practice of law is the application of the law to your specific circumstances.That is why we provide more free information on divorce and family law than any other Michigan law firm. We want to help you manage your situation. Allow our exceptional legal team to help you navigate the change in your life, without compromising principles.

By:  Daniel Findling

change custody


The artist, the engineer and the emotional divorce

Michigan is both a no-fault divorce and a fault divorce State

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