Can a baby save the marriage?
We have all heard the story before, the story of a friend whose marriage was falling apart. The wife had learned that her husband had been cheating on her for some time, and she was crushed. In fact, they had only been married for about two years and, in the wife’s opinion, were still in the honeymoon stage of the marriage. Or so she thought. Can having a baby save the marriage?
The wife in that relationship wondered whether if she could save the marriage. She hated the fact that her husband cheated on her, but she didn’t consider herself a quitter and wanted to save the marriage. She always wanted to have a baby and assumed that one day she would have one with her husband. She wondered aloud whether she should get pregnant, as that would surely bring out his loyalty to her and make him want to come back to her. After all, babies make things better … don’t they?
Babies are wonderful, but can a baby save the marriage?
Babies are indeed delightful. They are among the cutest creatures on the planet, with such a delicious innocence about them as they drool and coo. Inevitably, however, they cause a change in their parents’ lifestyle. Babies don’t always sleep, and when they do it’s not often when parents need them to. They can be inexplicably colicky beyond remedy. They cry and they fuss and make demands that only they understand. These types of tribulations can be challenging for the most solid couples, and add to a downward spiral for those who are teetering on the edge of holding it all together.
Author Kimberly A. Daly on Parents.com writes, “Having a baby can create a bond that encourages mature personal growth and strengthens a couple’s commitment to each other — but that doesn’t happen overnight, and more often, it doesn’t happen at all.”
Risk of Disaster
If both the husband and the wife are not on board with the pregnancy, then it could mean problems ahead. And, if the relationship is on the brink of falling apart, the risk of disaster far outweighs the possibility of resolution. Simply put, having a baby will not likley save the marraige. Unless the parties are willing to work on the nature of the problem, and work hard, having a baby may delay a breakup, but will not save the marraige.
The fact is, having a baby is a major life change that can be a very challenging. What if the news of your pregnancy – long before the baby’s birth – ends the marriage even faster and more abruptly than it otherwise would have? Remember that you will be dealing with all the issues that surround the end of a marriage – divorce proceedings, possibly finding a new place to live, division of assets, and more – PLUS the responsibility and expense of another mouth to feed when your strength and ability to cope is already being tested. And, there is no guarantee that your husband will want any part of this child’s life after the divorce either.
Kate Silver puts it simply: “Consider the reality — fatigue, dirty diapers, crying, mood swings (of all family members). A new baby can make cooking a simple dinner difficult, let alone maintaining a marriage or relationship.” When there isn’t a lot of relationship commitment to draw from in good times, there isn’t likely to be anything about this bouncing bundle of joy that will make a spouse want to stick around or change negative behaviors or attitudes afterwards.
Talk to us. We can help.
We certainly aren’t holding ourselves out as counsellors and we are definitely not about to tell you when you should or shouldn’t have a baby. However, we have experience and have seen many couples through some very tough times.
Talking to a lawyer is a smart idea when you’re confused or disheartened or just unsure about your marriage. If you are considering getting pregnant to save the marriage, let’s talk about your options if:
- You learn that you (or your wife) is pregnant and your marraige is in trouble, whether you have already begun the divorce proceedings or are working towards doing so.
- Anything else unusual or unexpected changes in your relationship, with your assets or any property that you own individually or separately, or you are unsure whether a new circumstance can impact your divorce. It’s better to give it attention early on and take care of any issues as soon as they arise.
We understand that people struggle with the uncertainties of what life could be like during and after divorce. We can help you set goals and manage your situation.
About Findling Law:
I have been in practice for 20 years and practice exclusively in divorce and family law. My practice includes several attorneys who share the core value of practicing law to help people navigate change in their life, without compromising principles. We have extensive experience in high socio-economic, high profile and high conflict cases which has nurtured a skill set applicable to all divorce and family law cases regardless of socio-economic status. We recognize that it is the application of the law that is most important aspect of practice. That is why we provide more free information on divorce and family law than any other Michigan law firm.
We want to help you manage your situation. Let our exceptional legal team help you . . .
Local: +1 (248) 399-3300 – toll free: (877-YOUR FIRM)
After hours emergency?: +1 (707) 968-7347
Or email me at: Daniel@Findlinglaw.com
By: Daniel Findling
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