For the newly-divorced, the goals might be less about decluttering, a regular workout schedule, or eating clean. A divorce offers the chance to forge a path toward your new happiness.
Healthy Boundaries (It’s Not About Salad)
During the course of your marriage, you and your spouse had a set of boundaries, often unspoken, about what each of you would tolerate. Sometimes, you might call each other out when one crossed the line. Other times, it may have been easier (safer, simpler) to say nothing and tolerate the behavior.
No matter the reason why you divorced, now is the time to figure out what you are willing to accept from people. If you are used to being the one to please, how far are you still willing to go? If you are the one who bent over backwards to keep warring factions from exploding, will you still do that? How will you choose to react How many times can someone cancel on you before you give up on them?
Build Yourself Up (Not Necessarily at the Gym)
Have you spent days, months, or possibly years asking yourself how you could have let your spouse get away with the offending behavior? Did you ask yourself how you could have been so stupid? It’s time to stop questioning yourself about the past and move forward with the present. Acknowledge that these things happened and leave them in the past … where they belong. Yes, you got married. No, it didn’t work out. Yes, you got divorced. These are facts that you can’t change.
Love yourself first. Make peace with what has happened to you. It’s up to you to make good choices for yourself going forward. That may take some time as you figure out what that means to you. Just know that it is now up to you – and you alone – to believe in yourself! After all, you made it and got divorced.
Winning Back Friends is Exhausting (And Often Useless)
Some great advice from Relationship Coach Lindsey Ellison is to not bother trying to win back friends that you and your spouse had during your marriage. If those friends chose sides or disappeared entirely, don’t work hard to win them back. There are plenty of people out there. You just have to meet them. Find organizations in your community that support the activities you like to do, whether it is scrapbooking, hiking, running, volunteering, or building sets at the local theater. There are people out there who want to meet you. They just don’t know it yet. You can take pride in being divorced.
Figure Out What You Believe In (It’s More Than Religion)
Whether you like journaling or think it is a torturous waste of time, prepare to jot some things down. This isn’t about a long, endless exercise of introspection. But, it is about thinking deeply about what is important to you and how you feel about issues that float around your existence. Your existence after being divorced should be meaningful
Yes, do consider where your faith lies after you are divorced. Write it down. What else? Give thought to these questions, and write down your answers. When you see it in front of you, it is concrete and takes on a life of its own with greater meaning.
What do you look for in a partner?
What do you look for in someone you would want to date?
What makes a home happy and comfortable for you?
What makes you feel secure?
What is fun to you? What is awful?
Think about it. Write it. Review it. Make choices every day that will move you towards what you believe in and away from all else.
Date. Or not. (Without Anxiety)
People have opinions about whether you should or should not be dating after being divorced. Your parents, siblings, friends – everyone has something to say about this. In fact, they all want the best for you even if they don’t agree on what that is. Some newly-divorced people put a lot of pressure on themselves to start dating right away, find that special someone, and get re-married. They may be missing the comfort of having someone else at home or a companion to call their own.
If you are ready, allow yourself to date, meet new people, and explore the world around you. Just enjoy the opportunity and the people you meet without the pressure of what might become of it. You may or may not remarry, but along the way you can determine what you want in life and find your own happiness again.
One of our goals here at Findling Law is to free you of the legal aspects of divorce so that you can take care of yourself and all of your other relationships as you move forward and find happiness again. Contact us anytime if you have any questions or worries about your divorce process.
About Findling Law
I have been exclusively practicing divorce and family law in Michigan for over two decades. The attorneys at Findling Law all share the core value of practicing law to help people navigate change in their lives, without compromising principles. We specialize in high socio-economic, high-profile and high-conflict cases, while also working with clients of all backgrounds. We recognize that the most important aspect of the practice of law is the application of the law to your specific circumstances.
That is why we provide more free information on divorce and family law than any other Michigan law firm. We want to help you manage your situation. Allow our exceptional legal team to help you navigate the change in your life, without compromising principles.
We want to help you manage your situation. Let our exceptional legal team help you . . .
Local: +1 (248) 399-3300 – toll free: (877-YOUR FIRM)
Or email me at: Daniel@Findlinglaw.com
By: Daniel Findling