Chances are, you’ve got a smartphone and that you’ve taken some photos with it. You might even have taken a selfie or two, at least to send to your mother or to create a profile picture for your social media accounts. You may even have taken some selfies along the course of your divorce, to share your ups and downs with friends. But, did you take a selfie with your ex? Some people are finding divorce selfies (#divorceselfies) to be the ultimate closure to divorce.
Divorce Selfie Makes Headlines
In 2015, a Canadian couple, Chris and Shannon Neuman, made headlines when they took a smiling selfie outside of a Calgary, Alberta courthouse moments after filing for divorce. Their smiles are as big as those of any couple on a dream vacation or of those who had just won the lottery. As much as divorce hardly seems like something to celebrate so publicly, the reality for this couple was that there was a commemoration that needed to be made.
The couple had two children, been married for 11 years and separated for four. That’s a long time and a lot to go through. The filing for divorce was an important step for them and they saw it as doing something extraordinary. While making the decision to end their marriage, they were simultaneously affirming their commitment to their children so that they could move forward as parenting partners.
How so? USA Today reported them saying, “[this is] the accomplishment of a goal that we worked really hard to reach … it felt good to achieve a positive outcome and share that with our friends and family.”
It is possible to love your kids more than you hate your ex.
At the time the story was published, the selfie had purportedly had 35,000 shares. We did a quick search using #divorceselfie on Instagram and found tons. Why? People everywhere – whether divorced, divorcing, separated, wildly unhappy, or empathetic – are relieved and delighted to see that it is possible to end a marriage when it’s not working, be civil about it despite the heartache, and commit to be there for the kids.
Shannon, the wife in the original divorce selfie story, is reported to have said that it is “possible to love your kids more than you hate/distrust/dislike your ex.”
Taking a divorce selfie – or a selfie of any kind – isn’t for everyone. But, in this case, it did give this couple a way to commemorate both the end of their marriage and the beginning of their new lives, as well as the continuity that would exist for their children.
The Huffington Post reported that this re-imagination of divorce was “neither a tragedy nor a failure nor a source of shame, in their minds, but a natural, amicable point of transition.”
“An Amicable Point of Transition”
And, really, that is exactly what divorce can mean for some couples – a working relationship after the marriage. The divorce selfie almost makes it look like there was nothing to this divorce, like there was no pain, frustration, disappointment, pain of any kind. It could be seen that way. But, the reality is that divorce does carry some amount of all of these emotions (and more) as well as conflict and grief. Making to the other side of that drama-ridden conflict can be a moment of fulfillment and be recognized with some act of closure. A divorce selfie could very well be that ultimate closure for some.
If your marriage is full of conflict or if it has just faded and is no longer moving forward in a way that makes either of you happy, it could be time to consider the options and get yourselves back on the path to happiness. No need to start taking selfies just yet, unless it makes you happy or your mother has asked for one, but do give us a call here at Findling Law to start the conversation about how you can get back on that path and move forward with your life.
About Findling Law
I have been exclusively practicing divorce and family law in Michigan for over two decades. The attorneys at Findling Law all share the core value of practicing law to help people navigate change in their lives, without compromising principles. We specialize in high socio-economic, high-profile and high-conflict cases, while also working with clients of all backgrounds. We recognize that the most important aspect of the practice of law is the application of the law to your specific circumstances.
That is why we provide more free information on divorce and family law than any other Michigan law firm. We want to help you manage your situation. Allow our exceptional legal team to help you navigate the change in your life, without compromising principles.
We want to help you manage your situation. Let our exceptional legal team help you . . .
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By: Daniel Findling