Regardless of whether you think that your life was better or worse before your divorce, you’re still left with a lingering set of emotions as you maneuver your way through the process. These emotions – this baggage – can be holding you back from finding happiness again. Consider how losing the emotional baggage can help you move on with your life.
Healing takes courage, and we all have courage, even if we have to dig a little to find it. – Tori Amos
There really are valid reasons for parting with your past relationship(s). After all, repeating the phrase “It’s not you – it’s me!” time and again won’t get you any closer to a committed romance or inner peace or anything else you might seek.
When you harbor deep-seated emotions, you run the risk of many types of potentially defeating behaviors, impairing your ability to move on:
- Fear – You won’t be able to move forward or meet new people because you’re simply too scared to try.
- Paranoia – You’re terrified that everyone you meet will have that same set of negative traits that you are trying to run away from or avoid.
- Judging – You’re closely examining everything the other person says or does (or doesn’t say or do) with the expectation that they are just going to turn out like your ex.
- Suppressing – You’re just not going to let anyone into your personal (emotional) space. Building a metaphorical wall between you and your prospective new love interest can start practically at the first date.
- Lack of Trust – Sooner or later you’re going to have to trust someone. If being alone is what you want, then you won’t mind it being later. But, if you have hopes of being with someone again and even building or rebuilding relationships with family, then allowing yourself to trust again is going to be key.
Recognizing the Bad
Whether you’re a victim of infidelity, or abuse, or your marriage fell apart for some other reason, your past and your emotions are real. And they are valid. The thing is, your feelings need to be recognized as part of the process of moving forward. You have to recognize your feelings – and where they come from – in order to recognize that they need to be curbed.
Ask yourself exactly what is it that you are feeling. Dig deep down and identify it. Write it down. Think about it. This identification process might take a while, so don’t expect to sit down and have it come to you right away (although it surely could). Figure out what it is that has you wrapped firmly in its clutches. Create this list but don’t judge yourself for what you learn about yourself.
Encased within this list will be memories. Possibly a lot of them. But, within each memory is something positive. Cila Warncke suggests finding at least one positive in each hurtful experience or memory. This may even be as simple as learning to be positive in a very negative situation or when dealing with a toxic personality.
She then suggests turning each one of these positives into an affirmation that you will hold yourself to in the future. Something as simple as “I will greet everyone warmly” will do. Making these kinds of plans for your future self means you are referring to your past self just a little less. Keep practicing this and you will begin to see your personal positivity start to unfold in little ways and, eventually, big ones.
There’s More to Divorce Than an End
Your marriage may be over, but that doesn’t mean that you stop living. Your experienced Findling Law lawyer is taking care of the legal issues of your divorce with hundreds of free and informative articles on Michigan divorce, Michigan custody and how to cope with the various personal, financial, relationship and other challenges you’re facing now. Take advantage of these resources to help you manage your present. Then, when you’re ready, begin to release yourself from your emotional baggage. Moving forward with your life is possible – very possible – and so is finding your new happiness.
About Findling Law
I have been exclusively practicing divorce and family law in Michigan for over two decades. The attorneys at Findling Law all share the core value of practicing law to help people navigate change in their lives, without compromising principles. We specialize in high socio-economic, high-profile and high-conflict cases, while also working with clients of all backgrounds. We recognize that the most important aspect of the practice of law is the application of the law to your specific circumstances.
That is why we provide more free information on divorce and family law than any other Michigan law firm. We want to help you manage your situation. Allow our exceptional legal team to help you navigate the change in your life, without compromising principles.
We want to help you manage your situation. Let our exceptional legal team help you . . .
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By: Daniel Findling